


The Price of Freedom

by iRememberTheDark



Series: If You Lose, You Die [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional, Gen, Inner Dialogue, Manga Spoilers, Marley (Shingeki no Kyojin), Paradis Island (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post Rumbling, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, conflicted thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27038596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iRememberTheDark/pseuds/iRememberTheDark
Summary: "Eren never could have known that the price of freedom would be so high. No one could have prepared him for such a realization."
Series: If You Lose, You Die [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983308
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	The Price of Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little FYI if this seems familiar. I posted this under my other penname on Fanfiction.net, but I have no desire to actually connect the accounts. Please enjoy!

Eren never could have known that the price of freedom would be so high.

No one could have prepared him for such a realization. He guesses that he should have known at some point, much sooner than he did, at any rate. Being born into this world…he’d assumed that he had every right to be free, just as much as the next person. The right to go anywhere he wanted, when he wanted to. The right to be anyone he wanted, if he wanted to. The right to do anything he wanted to, if that’s what he chose.

The things people want in life, the things worth having, anyway, rarely came cheap. They certainly weren’t free. The ones who held those valuables in their hands knew just how much they were worth. How far people were willing to go for them. How much they were willing to pay.

Except they didn’t.

They didn’t realize that running away to live imprisoned in walls like mindless, caged animals in fear of what was beyond was how the Eldians were willing to pay. Pay for the persecution of their race. Pay for crimes that were not theirs, but their ancestors. Pay just to live. They didn’t realize how much it was worth. That humiliation was not enough for the rest of the world.

Eren had believed that in order to live, you had to fight. Winning the fight meant you got to live, and losing it meant you died. He now knew that winning was not living because being alive in this world was not enough to grant one’s freedom. To win…to win now meant to be free.

But at what cost?

For the longest time, the titans were the enemy. They were the ones who held the most valuable thing in their stupid, stinking, greedy, gigantic hands. As Eren watched more and more of his comrades die in their endless grubby fingers, he just saw the price of freedom growing higher and higher, but, even then, it was still in his sights. They didn’t know much about the titans, but they could kill them. It may have taken longer than anyone had hoped, but surely if all the titans were killed they would be free to have a choice to live outside the walls.

Except, then the enemy changed. It was subtle in a way. First, inside the walls where people who wanted, selfishly in his opinion, were willing to hurt other people for the sake of their goals. Weren’t they already paying the giants outside the walls enough in human lives? This fight was for all of them!

Eren’s thankful for it now, because it was just a precursor for what to expect out there where his freedom was being kept. Where he would learn from his father’s memories and his first-hand experience that, no, titans were not the real enemy, not the real monsters. Humans were. The irony isn’t lost on him or any of his comrades.

Ha. Fuck humanity.

Armin told him that in order to fight and win against a monster, he would need to give up what it meant to be human and become one himself. He had lived by those words too. He was willing to do it if it meant accomplishing his goal. The lives lost were just more on that ever-racking bill that would be worth it when it was all said and done. 

In the end, it was just another lesson. Now he knew that he was not giving up his humanity but embracing it in its purest sense. Humanity was sacrificing the lives of other humans if it meant getting what you wanted.

His freedom and that of all the other Paradis Islanders in the exchange from how many others. What were they worth?

A long time ago, he would have been livid at anyone for thinking such a thing, but that was then and this is now. After everything he’d done, everything he’d gone through, everything he’d learned, it was too late to turn back. Being imprisoned in walls was not enough for him and it wasn’t enough for the rest of the world that he dreamed so desperately of, so he would take what was valuable into his own stupid, stinking, greedy, gigantic hands. He knew exactly how much it cost and he, unlike many others, was willing to pay. This time he would decide. He would set the price.

Every man, woman, and child would become a number in the debt for freedom. Those lives and hopes and families and dreams and experiences and everything he’d seen in his time across the ocean is what they’re worth. If it meant Armin and Mikasa and Jean and Connie and Levi and Hanji could live without constant fear for their lives, wondering how long it will be before the next attack, always planning the next offensive or defensive, it would be worth it. If it meant all of their friends who had died for the cause, had been manipulated for a cause, had fought and believed for a better future would finally have their dreams become a reality, it would be worth it.

And it was. This was freedom. This was having a choice.

Every face that looked up in terror as they were bore down upon by massive titan feet was another expression that would not sour at the mention of the devils on Paradis Island. Every scream that cut off abruptly was another voice that would not rise against this freedom. Every figure crushed was another who would not get in the way of his freedom, his will.

So this was freedom.

Just as he’d been forced to constantly reevaluate what he knew throughout his life, Eren wonders what it actually means to be free now that he has it. 

The fogs of explosive white steam would never clear. The panicked, terrified screams would never really cease. Their fearful, horrified faces would always be etched into his mind. Even after he’s released from his titan form for the last time, the chaos will always be there. Wherever he goes afterward, he will see the fruit of his labors. He knows the comrades for whom he did all this for will never look at him the same. The strange watery haze of his vision will always be a filter for whatever he looks at. The heavy, almost unbearable weight in his chest will seep into his bones making it harder and harder to get up the next time he’s down.

So this…was freedom.

When there was no one left on the planet but the islanders of Paradis, Eren knew he’d won. They would all live. They could all actually be free. He knew it. He understood what had to be done. He’d paid the price for it, but he didn’t feel like he’d won. For so long he thought losing meant dying. The ones against you got the jump on you.

But what if it was on your own terms. Was dying really losing if it was on your own terms? Being released from this world and moving on to the next…could that just be another form of freedom? It was going where he wanted to go, when he wanted to, after all.  


Freedom was all Eren had ever longed for. To do what he wanted, go where he wanted, be who he wanted, and he was more than willing to pay the price, which he now knew was a steep one; but that was for all the lives of the islanders who had done nothing wrong and just wanted to live in peace.

Surely it wouldn’t be so high if it was just him this time, right?

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first attempts at angst. How did I do? I wrote this a few manga chapters back when I was all caught up in my feelings about what was happening, so things have definitely changed now but that's ok. Initially, I wasn't happy with this little fic, but after rereading it later, I've decided that it isn't so bad. Feedback would definitely be appreciated!
> 
> Song: The [Dying] Swan - Saint Saens


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